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This past weekend, at the Women of Faith Conference in New Jersey with my friends, was a wake up call from God of the layers that have been put on me, to shield me from being hurt and to hide the real me inside, protecting me. However, this weekend also put on a few more layers. Feeling disconnected and left out from the group as they spoke, most of the time, about the people that they knew from the church they attended together before Phyllis moved, feeling like a burden or an inconvenience (body language & facial expression speak very loudly, then there was their silence) with the pain that I was having in my back and feet, and then being unjustly snapped at with "back off and leave me alone"--so I backed off.
My friend Phyllis had asked me Saturday evening, "what do I need" and I could not answer because my needs have always been last on my to-do-list. My heart is in giving to and doing and caring for others. Sunday morning I spent more than an hour, before everyone got up, outside walking around and talking to God, crying out to Him, asking Him to reveal to me what I need. Well, God spoke to me, revealing what I needed to hear. What I need, is to let go of my fears.
It is not with God that I have feelings of disconnection or abandonment, it is with people. I am a very private person and keep to myself and most people don't really take the time to get to know me. So many layers of hurt and fear have been placed upon me, so just to name a few:
fear of making comments and feeling like I am not being heard or taken seriously
fear of feeling I am not good enough, or smart enough,
fear of feeling abandoned, left out by others
fear of feeling unloved/unliked
fear of feeling rejected
fear of being laughed at
fear of feeling like I am going to say or do something to hurt someone.
I asked God to show me how I am suppose to remove these layers, because it is for sure I can't do it alone. Then God revealed to me something in His Word--Isaiah 41:13 For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not: I will help thee, Isaiah 49:15,16 ...yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget thee, Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; Psalm 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me..
I have many layer to be peeled off. They were put on there gradually and will have to be taken off gradually. Getting down to the root is going to be hard and is going to be painful, but necessary. I have asked my friends for forgiveness and their patience as God and I work through these layers together--one at time.
While I was in Houston, awaiting yet another flight delay to get home, I was talking to my friend Kay in Waco, about what the conference meant to me and about how I was feeling. She said something that made a lot of sense to me and reminded me of something that I had realized a few years ago but had forgotten, about why I am this private, shy, quiet person and why I am so lonely and why I don't have many friends.
When I was a child and my dad was in the Army we would move every few years, so I was never in the position that I could make and keep friends. I was never in one place long enough for anyone to get to know me and this has carried on into my adult life, a layer I feel I must deal with first, because I feel it is at the root of why I am the way I am, why I have such a low self-esteem of myself. But since this layer is so deep and buried it is going to very difficult and painful to get to.
Phyllis and Kay have a special place in my heart because they took the time, they did not leave me, they had patience and stood by me over the years and they have not judged me, yet they accepted me for who I was, not expecting me to change and be someone I am not. Because I not stay in one place long enough as a child, I feel I have not developed what it takes to make or keep friends. The Bible says to have friends make yourself friendly, well, I like to think I am a friendly person, so whats wrong?
There are many people that tell me "if you need to talk, I am here for you", well were are they the rest of the time? I am thankful that they will be there, but I don't just want a "friend" to hear me unload what I am going through, how about someone to perhaps go to a movie or shopping or just to hang out with for an evening. I hear many ladies of my church, all the time-the sames ones, talking and making plans to get together and go somewhere or do something, and I am standing there wishing they would ask me if I would like to go. I was raised that it was impolite to invite yourself, so I stand back, feeling very unliked, rejected and left out. I know it may not be intentional, they just don't think to ask me.....but why?
So I want to say thank you to my friends for not leaving me, for accepting me for the person that I am, for taking the time and having the patience to get to know who I am and excepting me for who I am.
I have had a very blessed day. Although I am extremely tired and worn out. I have been up since 4:30am and it is now almost 11pm, I am unable to get to sleep. Today we took $2,125.00 of food down to Pleasant Hills Children's Home. What a blessing it was to see the look on their faces when we unloaded the 3 cars of food. We had so much food we were unable to transport it all. I have on my mind what I am going to say in the morning when I give a report of what was donated and the people I need to thank for all their help, I could not have done it without them. I am so proud that God chose me and gave me this burden for the children. I have so much on my mind as to how to be a further blessing to the children, by providing for them the food and supplies that they need. I have ideas of what to buy next and where to get it, I have ideas of making another trip in 3 months with more supplies, I have ideas of taking down to them, in Novemeber, Christmas cards with a gift card in it for a gift to the children, I want to so much see the children taken care of. God has placed a huge burden on my heart for these children and I want to make sure they are taken care of. I have ideas of how to spread the word throughout the section and getting the other churches involved.
I have ideas about something to put in the bullitin and I have my trip to New Jersey (19 more days) on my mind--what I need to pack and what I am going to pack it in and how much to pack. I have my job on my mind (5 more days) and how I need to find me a summer part-time job. I am not worried because I know that God will provide what my family is in need of, but I don't want it just given to me, I want to work for it.
I think I will try again to get some sleep. 
I look back over the years and I wonder where has the time gone. My son graduates from high school next year. It seems like just yesterday I was taking to him to kindergarten. I am reminded of the many things that have happened over the years to help him grow. The activities he has been involved in during his years at school--soccer, basketball, boy scouts (oh! all that popcorn) I am reminded about the things his friend's parents have said about him--how kind, considerate, and helpful he has been. I am reminded of other ways he has shown kindness to others--he stayed late with a friend, who was having car problems, after a football game until her parents arrived and he has offered to do many things around the house, just to help us out. I am reminded of the accidents he has been involved in--dislocated shoulder, swollen ankle(3 times) from twisting it in basketball, and the "tackle" with a tree playing football (the tree won).
I am reminded of the education he received during his first 6 years at a private Christian school, that helped to teach him the Christian way to treat others and to be respectful of others. I am sadden that when he started public school in the 6th grade and made new friends, that he started to drift away from God and did not want to attend church anymore. Although I wanted him in church, I was not going to push him into it, I want him to come to church because he wants to be there not because I force him. I don't want to take the chance that it may push him farther away from God.
I am very proud of the man that he has become. Although he does not attend church, it has been taught to him, in school and at home, and my prayer that one day, God will move in his life and all that he has been taught will re-surface and he will rededicate his life back to God.
Lord bless you
I was going through my poems and retyping some that have mistakes and was printing them on
pretty paper to put in an album. I came across one that I had written last year and I was urged to do some changing to it, and this is what I did. This poems speaks about the way I lived my life and the One I lived it for.
FOR HIM I LIVED WHEN TO THE ALTER I DID GO
MY HEART TO GOD I GAVE
WHILE DOWN ON BENDED KNEE
MY SINS HE DID FORGAVE
FROM THAT MOMENT, I WAS CHANGED
IT WAS FOR GOD I CHOSE TO LIVE.
EACH DAY, I MADE THE CHOICE|
TO LET GOD LEAD THE WAY
FOR IF I DID IT ON MY OWN
I WOULD EASILY BE LEAD ASTRAY
STAYING CLOSE TO GOD, I DID
I DID THIS THE MORE I PRAYED.
AS I LIVED MY LIFE FOR GOD
I KNEW I WAS SURE TO DIE
FROM THE WORLD I WOULD BE FREE
NO MORE PAIN TO MAKE ME CRY
WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY, IT IS FOR ME
NOW I’M WITH JESUS IN THE SKY.
REVISED MAY 10, 2008
TO BE READ AT MY FUNERAL
Lynn Harrison
Tags: God Faith
I HAVE CHOSEN
Father God, you bless me
each and every day.
Everything that you have done
it has been to prepare the way.
With each trial I have had to face
brings me to my knees to pray.
As I pray and seek your will
to you, dear Lord, thank you I say.
In my heart I want to be true
drawing nearer, not away.
Loving, serving, and living for you
is not a game that I want to play.
I am not ashamed to live for you
if I must choose, my life I'll pay.
Lynn Harrison/2006
1. What time is it?
2:55pm
2. What's your full name?
Virginia Lynn.
3. What are you most afraid of?
fear of speaking in front of people
4. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a Theater?
"Alvin & The Chipmunks".
5. Place of birth?
Madisonville, Ky
6. Favorite food?
Fajitas (chichen) , fish, steak
7. What's your natural hair color?
brown
8. Ever been to Alaska?
No, but would love to take a cruise there
9. Ever been toilet papering?
no
10. Love someone so much it made you cry?
yes, Jesus
11. Been in a car accident?
Yes -
12. Croutons or bacon bits?
Bacon bits.
13. Favorite day of the week?
Sunday, Wednesday, and Thursday--because I am at the church
14. Favorite restaurant?
Chili's, Red Lobster, SaltGrass
15. Favorite Flower?
yellow Carnations
16. Favorite sport to watch?
basketball-- if my son is playing
17. Favorite drink?
caffee free Diet Pepsi
18. Favorite ice cream?
triple chocolate for Blue Bell
19. Disney or Warner Brothers?
Disney.
20. Ever been on a ship?
no
21. What color is your bedroom carpet?
beige
22. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
None.
23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
Daily Strength - on-line support group
24. What do you do when you are bored?
computer, TV or puzzle book
25. Bedtime?
at close to 9 as posible since I get up at 4:45am
26. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest?
Not sure.
27. Who is the person you sent this to that least likely will not respond?
Not sure.
28. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses?
anyone
29. Favorite TV show(s)?
CSI, Law & Order, Without a Trace
30. Last person you went to dinner with?
self
31. What are you doing right now besides being on the computer?
wondering what is for dinner tonight
32. What are your favorite colors?
Purple & Yellow
33. How many tattoos do you have?
none
34. How many pets do you have?
2 cats, 1 dog
35. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
God made the chicken first
36. What do you want to do before you die?
that is a good question: for self-make some lasting friendships ~ for God-reach as many as posible
37. Have you ever been to Hawaii?
no
38. Have you been to countries outside the U.S.?
no
39. How many people are you sending this e-mail to?
Not sure.
40. Time this survey ended?
3:08
Now here's what you're supposed to do ... please do not spoil the fun!
I testified last night, that my church is my family. Outside of Bill and Chris, my family is not close. Over the past few years, if it had not been for my "family" I don't know where I/we would be today. My church family has helped me/us through many difficult situations--financially, medically, emotionally/mentally and spiritually.
God has used me is so many ways, that has taken me WAY out of my comfort zone. He has directed my path toward the less fortunate of His children. First it was toward the homeless of downtown Dallas, then it was toward the orphans of Pleasant Hills Children's Home, and now He is directing me toward the elderly in the nursing homes. It is through my obedience of His direction, that has drawn me closer and closer to God. I know that I am not were I want/need to be with God, yet, but I am on my way. It has been through the support and the encouragement of my family that has taken me this far. There are no words to adequetly express how grateful I am to God for placing me in this church family. I say thank you to God and my church family.
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!! (YAY!!!)
1. Who was your best friend(s)?
did not have one
2.What sports did you play?
none
4. It's Friday nite...where r u?
at home
5. Were you a party animal?
No
6. Were you considered a flirt?
no
7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir..?
no
8. Did you ever get suspended/expelled?
No
9. Can you sing the fight song?
not anymore
10. Who were your favorite teachers?
I don't remember her name but it was my typing teacher
11. Where did you sit during lunch?
at a table
12. What was your schools full name?
R.L.TUrner HIgh School
13. School mascot?
Lions
14. Did you go to Prom?
No
15. If you could go back and do it again, what would you change?
I would try to make some lasting friendships
16. What do you remember most about graduation?
It was growded and long -- 800+ students
17. Where did you go Senior Skip Day?
did not skip
18.Were you in any clubs?
No
19. Where did you go most often for lunch?
Cafeteria
20. Have you gained weight since then?
yep
21. Who was your Senior prom date?
did not go to prom
22. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion?
has already come and gone, but I did not go
23.Who will repost this?
Not sure.
24. Who was your high school sweetheart?
did not have one
25. Are you still together?
cant still be together if there wasn't one
26. Do you still talk to people from high school?
No
**post this with your school name and graduation year 
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